Advice to Our Daughters

Jennifer Greene-Sullivan

I’ve heard “do as I say and not as I do” so MANY times through out my childhood, and I must admit that I have said it myself. However, I have high hopes that my girls (all four of them) will learn from my mistakes, and that they will WAIT on the Lord.

Psalms 27:14 – Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.

There were so many times in my younger mind that I felt such obsession to HURRY!! I believed that I had to accomplish ALL my goals by 30, live ALL my dreams, and do ALL the things. My twenties were fraught with wrong decisions and sad endings. Then, by my 30th birthday, I had to face the one variable that was the same in all my strife: RUSHING. Waiting did not exist to me. By that age, I found myself sick, tired, and weak in spirit. What had I done to myself? What all had I ruined? Why had I self sabotaged so many times, especially in my relationships? Now that I am in my 40s and analyzing my failures through the eyes of the Spirit, I see that the crux of my entire problem presented itself in my failure to WAIT.

Isaiah 40:31 – But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

I remember once after my first divorce a conversation a dear aunt of mine had with her son, which is my cousin:

“Mama, I am sad that Jennifer and Mark aren’t married anymore. I don’t understand what happened. How can I keep from ending up like her?”

“Son, you WAIT on the Lord. Whenever you choose a mate or deal with a problem, WAIT on Him to help you make those decisions.”

My 25 year-old-self was devastated at this conversation, especially since I was sitting at the very same table with them, and my mistake was so raw at that time. I allowed that conversation to separate me from Christ because I felt such horrible shame and loss. I was such a naïve young woman and a very immature Christian. Now, I remember that conversation and comprehend it so differently. My aunt discerned the answer that she gave to my young cousin. The Holy Spirit helped her discern her answer; I see it plainly today.

I should have WAITED on Him. I should has sought the answers in prayer, in fasting, and in focusing on the word. It seemed that I chose every other option that the ones that I should have. The song Graves into Gardens has always spoke to my heart since the first time I listened to it.

Graves Into Gardens

Elevation Worship, Brandon Lake

I searched the world
But it couldn’t fill me
Man’s empty praise
And treasures that fade
Are never enough

Then You came along
And put me back together
And every desire
Is now satisfied
Here in Your love 

The world as well as my inability to look beyond it with my spiritual eyes led me astray. I was a lost boat in a swift, harsh current. The waves crashed and carried me haphazardly toward the wreck that my life had become at 30. I was twice divorced, raising two girls alone and working two jobs as a high school teacher and college instructor. The loss of the family for my girls will forever change their lives and damaged their little hearts and minds. What I felt was right for me in unrenewed mind devastated my daughters. Not only did my bad decisions damage my daughters, but they also upended and devastated my husbands’ lives and extended family’s lives. I faced my failure and vowed to never remarry again. I believed if I have a committed, married life again that could protect myself and my children from destruction (or so I thought).

By the age of 36, I had spent ten years hating men and sticking to my ridiculous vow. That decade should have provided me with the time to WAIT on the Lord and to learn from my mistakes. However, I still had lessons to learn, and just like parents will do, God taught me the hard way since I couldn’t look to Him due to my hard headedness and my hard heart.

By 2016, I began that year with the prayer to God that I wanted a family, a husband, and another baby. I would have to be willing to give my heart, my time, and my trust to someone else if I really wanted to remarry. The questions of who to marry and when to marry are life altering questions and with life altering answers. I realize that my own daughters who are 14, 16, 19, and 20 will soon be faced with the same situation that I was in 2016. Ultimately, I asked God first: Who do you want me to marry? When will I know it’s the right time? I asked the Lord these questions on December 5, 2015, and on December 9, 2016, Chris called me for the first time, and on December 10, 2016, we went on our first date to Roddy Baptist Church the very church we grew up in and first met each other. We were married and had Liam in 2016. That year obviously was a great year of God’s FAVOR in my life.

My daddy and my paternal grandmother died in December 2016, yet I still consider that the year of God’s FAVOR because He acknowledged my heart and gave me the desires of it. He also provided comfort and peace beyond understanding.

⁷ And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7

In that peace and comfort, I had a loving, supportive husband who put up with my moodiness and my devastation. He stood beside me and was so patient with me as I grieved. His patience and understanding helped me see more of the promises of my Father. Even now, there are so many times that Chris has the most simplistic and realistic perception of our life and circumstances; this calm, peacefulness is exactly how I need to see our life and our conflicts. I tend to over complicate things, and he just knows exactly how to get to the heart of the matter. I’ve learned so much through our trials and our triumphs, and I am a very blessed woman. I know my children see my humanity and my weaknesses. I hope that they are able to learn from my mistakes and lean always on the understanding of the Father as they learn to wait on Him.

Father,

I ask that you teach my daughters to see people and to see situations as You see them. Continue to mold us into Your image. Bless and keep us, Lord.

In Jesus’ name,

Amen.